THE LAST GOODBYE
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: The end for Ennis a new beginning for the two of them.


Title: THE LAST GOODBYE

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Pairing: Jack and Ennis

Rating: R

Warning: Main character death

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx.

Summary: The end for Ennis; the beginning for the two of them.

THE LAST GOODBYE

He rode his horse slowly to the spot he had picked out; climbed down

and unloaded his pack. He built a small fire, pulled over a small

log and sat. He lit a cigarette and drew deeply on it.

"This is it, Jack. I'm here. Sometimes I feel like I was born

here. All that time up until '63 was just gettin me ready. Ready to

come to know you." He spoke the words quietly; into the campfire,

the pine trees, the river.

"I remember sayin goodbye at my parents funeral and thinkin that was

the worst it could get. I didn't know. I didn't know then that in a

few years I'd meet you and my life would be full of good-byes."

"Remember when we came down off Brokeback and said our first

goodbye? I never told you but it took everything in me to hold it

together. Once you were out of sight, I came apart. My gut started

to cramp so bad it took me to my knees. I just couldn't believe that

what we had up on the mountain was over. That was a new kind a

hurt. Everything that happened on that mountain was new to me. I

felt like I was being eaten up inside. That was our first good-bye."

"You found me in Riverton and came to see me. Remember Jack? I

remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the longest day of

my life; waiting for you to show. I was sure you'd forgotten or

changed your mind. Then I saw you get out of that truck --big grin

plastered on your face. I know now, lookin back, that was the

happiest day of my life. Can't explain how I felt; ain't got the words."

"Then you left; and my insides left with you. We had lots of

incredible 'hellos' and lots of miserable 'good-byes' over the next

20 years. Each goodbye tore a little piece out of my soul."

"The last goodbye was the worst. We both said things we didn't

mean. I think I hate that the most of all, that our last time

together, we argued."

"When my postcard came back with 'deceased' written across it; I was

lost. I tried to find a way to say goodbye. I talked with Lureen

and went to see your folks. I found the shirts. Something inside

me broke that day. I tried to let you go, but I can't. You're part

of me, Jack, and there's no lettin that go. Wouldn't even if I

could."

He stood and pulled his jacket off, then his shirt. From the pack

beside him, he put on the white blood-stained shirt first, then the

blue denim one on top. "It's almost like havin your arms around me,

Jack." He snapped both shirts up and tucked them neatly in. He took

the straight razor from his pack, pressed the blade against his wrist

and pulled it towards him; one quick move; same movement repeated on

the other wrist.

He lay down then close to the fire, head pillowed on his jacket.

"That last time we were together, I told you I couldn't take it

anymore; that I felt like I was nothin - nowhere. It was true. I am

nothin without you, Jack; not nothin at all. Just all hollow inside.

Only feelins I got left is regret and sorrow. I'm glad it's all over

now. I wrote letters to my girls and took care of everythin else.

So this is my last good-bye to you, Jack. We won't have to say those

awful words ever again. I'm sleepy now. Gonna sleep. Night Jack."

"It's about time you woke up!"

The toe of a booted foot nudged him awake. He stood and put his

jacket on.

"C'mom. Horse is waitin. Sheep need lookin after."

"OK, Aguirre want us to move 'em?"

"He ain't up here."

"Good"

They rode up the mountain -- herding the sheep onward to where the

grass was thick and green. They set up camp by a small stream; lit a

fire.

"Who sleeps with the sheep tonight? You or me?"

"Neither one. Ain't no coyotes up here. Sheep will be fine. We

sleep in the tent. Both of us."

Dark eyes smiled into blue. "Sounds good to me." he said as they

closed the tent flap behind them.

"Hey! Ain't that my shirt? It's my favorite. I want it back!"

"You want it? Come and get it!"

"Just one more thing, Jack; no more 'good-byes'. I said my last

good-bye; ain't sayin it again."

"You got my word on that, Cowboy. No more good-byes. Now give me

back my shirt!"

"Come and get it!"

THE END


End file.
